


月余亦卒

by honeyzhu



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Moving On, Ouch, lowercase intended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:34:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25214743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyzhu/pseuds/honeyzhu
Summary: "i loved you, you know?"
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	月余亦卒

**Author's Note:**

> for twitter user seokminiko

two boys sit at the swing-set, the quiet creaking of the rusted chains ringing out amidst the dark of night. the garden was empty, their only company being the cicadas singing a mournful melody, hidden from view by the dense forestry. 

it’s quiet, until joshua’s voice breaks the silence, fingers dipping into untouched waters. 

“i loved you, you know? a long time ago, i think i would’ve done anything for you.” 

junhui hums in response, tired eyes fluttering up to look at the stars. “back at the start, before we had anything to lose. i think i loved you too.”

joshua swings a bit, legs half-heartedly pushing himself up. “it’s honestly kind of funny, the way we passed each other by perfectly. you know, if we had done something back then, do you think it’d be different now?” 

a heavy silence fills the gap before junhui has the heart to respond. “maybe. but i don’t think it would’ve ever worked out.”

his features are bittersweet, almost. eyes overflowing with long-expired affections, despite the smile he had printed across his lips. the moonlight spilling on him makes him seem almost ethereal, joshua decides. an unreachable star in the sky, a flower never meant to be picked by a mortal.

yet, when junhui looks back at him, the entirety of his soul seemed to ache with exhaustion. a long time ago, joshua would’ve laughed at his crescent eyes and the way his eyelids seemed to always droop, but now, he, too, was too tired to do anything more but smile.

“you know, back at the start, i thought about telling you.”

“but you didn’t.” 

joshua nods. “but i didn’t.”

a comfortable silence washed over them once more. junhui swings back and forth, hands clutching onto the swing-set.

“they were always rooting for us, you know? minghao, soonyoung..” joshua lets out a lemon-scented laugh. “even jihoon. i think they believed in us more than we did.”

junhui hums again. “did you.. ever think about it? after everything ended, did you ever think about.. waiting for me?”

“did you?”

“i think i thought about it.” junhui looks back up at the rising moon, painted over with smokey clouds. “the first year. it was too early, but i still thought about it.”

“me too.” joshua whispers. “the third year. the waves felt stable enough for me to at least try.”

“but neither of us ever did anything.” junhui whispers back, voice almost carried away by the night breeze. 

“there was a time where it stopped, too.” joshua replies, brushing back his hair. “i can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but i don’t remember if i was relieved or heartbroken.”

“was it because of them?”

“i don’t think so. i think i was just tired of hurting so much.” he pauses. “everything that happened.. it was like chasing a shooting star through the sky. i never would’ve caught up.”

“really? i always felt like that made everything… grow.” junhui mutters back. “i knew we could never have anything, so i wanted everything more.”

joshua stares at junhui, eyes filled with a strange concoction of yearning and mourning. 

“even now?”

“i… i don’t know.” junhui sheepishly offers. he looks back at joshua.

“everything we have- had- it just hurts, shua. because i know that maybe if we had tried, we wouldn’t be like this now.”

“maybe.. maybe it was always meant to hurt. maybe we were always meant to be best friends, soulmates, nothing more.” joshua kicks away a rock at his feet. “nothing less, either.”

“it still hurts, though.”

seconds pass by, and joshua hesitantly stands up.

“is it time for you to go already?”

“my flight is in the morning.”

junhui whips his head back up “you- your flight? already?”

“it’s been four years, junhui. i think it’s time for me to go back home.”

staying seated, junhui lets out a bitter laugh. “i still remember when we were each other’s home. but i guess that’s over now.” 

a beat.

“where are you going?”

“back to america.” joshua replies, brushing off the creases on his coat.

“do you think you’ll ever come back? 

smiling sadly, joshua turns to face junhui again. “i don’t think so. there’s too much here for me. if i don’t leave now, i don’t think i ever will.”

junhui nods. “i.. i’m sorry, then.”

“what are you sorry for? it was never your fault. it wasn’t anyone’s fault. you’ve already done your best, huihui.”

joshua opens his arms, smiling softly at junhui. “one last hug? to say goodbye.”

eyes dipped into crescents, junhui smiles back, getting up from the swings. “one last time.”

the two hold each other close. both can feel the aching heartbeats of the other, the quiet tears soaking through, and the lingering love that they still kept locked away.

somehow, junhui wraps his hand around joshua’s. the silence is deafening until he feels joshua intertwine their fingers.

“i love you, junhui.” joshua cuts through the silence, one last time. 

“i.. i love you too, shua.” junhui replies, voice muffled by joshua’s coat.

after a few minutes, the two let go. 

“this is goodbye, then?”

“i.. i guess it is.” junhui smiles, wiping hastily at his eyes. “promise you’ll call? sometime? whenever you’re ready.”

“i will.” joshua’s fingers are still holding on, his voice so close to breaking. “i promise i will.”

then, he lets go, turning away to head off and leaving junhui at the swing-set.

as he disappears into the horizon, junhui sits back down, finally letting out a quiet sob. rubbing his eyes with his sleeves, he looks back up at the stars. they smile back down at him, but it feels like they’re driving knives into his chest.

letting go, but picking up the glass pieces to string up with their bleeding hearts.


End file.
